Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
