Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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