I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
