went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
