forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
