I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
