Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
