Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
