this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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