It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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