We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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