I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
