what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Green mimosas i think yes
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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