Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
