Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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