perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
