Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
