wanna go halves on a baby?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
