So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
