dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
