Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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