Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
