Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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