Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
