You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
