yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
