yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
