Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
