He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
