i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
