hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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