The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
