Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
