I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i believe in u and ur pee
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