Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
