and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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