My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
