I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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