Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
