Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
