Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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