hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
