I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
