I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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