i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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