Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
