There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
