but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
