his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
