I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
And then he peed in my hair
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