I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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