i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so let's talk penis.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
