What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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