And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
